PAIN

 Oh the pain, it hurts more than anything I have ever experienced.
 I want to scream, but, it won't change anything, I want answers, but won't get them
 How do you do this? How do you live like nothing is wrong for everyone else?? I can't do it, I feel so alone, so very alone, disowned by my parents, my kids are not the most supportive, I raised them otherwise, I need them Oh God do I need them.
 You meet, you love, and then its all gone, all damn gone in a New York minute, Please Lord, reverse things take me back to my 5oth b-day Sept 6, I said this will be the decade, WHAT TF was I thinking??? I know bad things always happen to me, why would I even think this would be the decade, I will be lucky to make the year.
 So Phoenix, what keeps me here? I hate you, always did, always will, can't afford to move, can't physically do a move, Kathy, Adam???!!!!, where would I go on my Soc Sec, I have no ties here, why do my kids not want anything to do with me, I gave my life to them.
 Pain, pain, pain, too much of it to handle, God too too much, I am so done, I want to run from my own life.