I suppose nothing out of the ordinary week, except just the usual way hospice now invades our life. It's not that I like it, but, I miss my routine, and it has changed so much with people coming in and out and having to be showered by a certain time, and have the house cleaned u, and not being able to start in a big sewing project w/o being interrupted.
I did manage to come down with the flu and have felt just awful the past 3 days haven't accomplished much, even if I wanted to, and, have a wholesale order I need to have gotten out last week, the retailer could care less that 2 days after her order for over 100 items places, my husband was diagnosed terminal, and won't make allowances for it, so I decided to make my own.
Today was Cody's yearly meeting with DDD they cut respite hours across the board, which the timing sticks, I need respite now, so I went from 15 hrs a week until 10 UGH!
I am virtually watching Terry deteriorate in front of my eyes, he is on morphine every hour now to help with his breathing, even with the oxygen it has become a major issue, I am hoping he is still around for Cody's birthday Nov 6 when he turns 18, we are supposed to have a big party, I want him to have a big party with memories of his dad, since this will most likely be the last.
Jenn is still grounded and w/o a cell phone.
I went out with Dan, not the ex MB, and another day with Julie, they seem to think I need to get out & keep balance in my life.
I just can't even imagine him not being in my life, God knows we have had our share of problems, but, we have been together 20 years, and he is my best friend,and he gets me like no other, I suppose when the time comes,I will learn to live with it, I don't want to, but, I guess God is not giving me a choice, now is he??
I mean I am not mad at God, but, I wish I knew the plan because death @ 53 just doesn't make sense when you can't even see your kids graduate, get married & have kids,
I guess I never really thought about death as much as I am now, and haven't had that many around me die, but, I guess my family has been a death of sorts, almost 8 mos now, and my brother talks completely disrespectful to my mom and threatens to kill you "old man" to my dad and after 4 mos my dad couldn't handle not talking to him & called him, me, I didn't want to get yelled at for uncontrollably having diarrhea, after a huge enema in the car, and when I said then I don't want a family, I am black balled for life!.....I called my mom 3 weeks ago, and was crying & said mommy, my husband is dying, she coldly said I know, and I know how many times a day you go to the bathroom, I said, please help me, I can't do this alone, she said what the hell do you want me to do and hung up on me. I am so trying to let it go, but after Terry passes I have no family, my closest friends are in NY, and Julie here & Kathy In CA, so I don't know how I am going to get through, everyone deserves a family, right? That's what I thought, but, I have learned you have to earn one, and when my mom was mad she told me Your problem is you have tried to be the perfect daughter, when did that become sinful? AND I NEVER wanted you to have that 5oth anniversary party for me, after Kathy & I put our heart, soul & money into it!!!
Well, things have gotten to heavy here!
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3 comments:
I KEEP TRYING TO SEND ON YOUR BLOG . MUST BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG STILL!bUT!~I DO FOLLOW YOU DO THINK OF YOU LOTS AND THE FAMILY..WE BOTH DO THINK OF YOU....SO AM~HOPING ALL FEELING BETTER SOON. HEAR YOUR SICK WITH THE FLU BUG!~YUCK!~THAT'S NOT FUN. AND "WOW" HOW
DO YOU GET ANY WORK THERE DONE! SO GLAD HAVE HOSPICE FOR YOUR HONEY-TERRY./YOU NEED THE HELP THERE.WISH WERE'NT DOING IT AT ALL. WISH I LIVED SO CLOSE WE COULD HELP OUT.~SORRY TO HEAR ALSO THEY'VE CUT CODYS HOSPICE CARE ABIT!~(NOT SO NICE.FIVE IS A HIGH NUMBER FOR A CUT..:-o) am~ VERY GLAD YOU'VE GOTTEN IN TOUCH WITH THE MOM. {GOOD YOU DID SHOWS A BIGGER PERSON}.&GLAD YOU DID. eVEN THOUGH DIDN'T GO RIGHT WITH THE CONVERSATION ~>AT LEAST YOUR SHOWING TRYING.DON'T WORRY SHE'LL COME TO REALIZE WHAT'S IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW. & SO ~SO HOPING YOUR DAUGHTER WILL SOON GIVE IN AND WAKE TOO SEE HOW IMP. IT IS YOU NEED HER BY YOUR SIDE. pRAYERS SENDING FOR THOSE TWO SO DEFINATELY!THEY NEED IT TOO BESIDES YOUR TERRY....~LOVE FROM US 2 tRISH&DAVID. /(ARK)
wow Kimmy,
I was wondering if you fell off the earth! Girl I only have a few weeks until that show and nothing done up! Just pieces here and there going. Not even getting to do Mule Days this year and that upsets me so bad.. I need the $$ so badly and just haven't been able to get with it. Just have not felt good at all this year Kimmy, just never came back from that surgery earlier this year on my arm.
Michael is not home, he is deployed in Africa and will be there until after March I think. Gosh I wish he was here. I am worried sick about him over there. They already have one guy kidnapped from their unit.
I know trials are no fun at all but if it has brought you and Terry so close again,well it was worth it in some way.What has happened with Terry?? I know last I heard from you he was diagnosed with a bad deal. Is he any better?? Sorry I have been so out of touch Kimmy, I get so depressed and then not feeling well and trying to get ready for this show, then there was Samantha's wedding (Sandy's daughter). It was beautiful, everytime I look at the pics on my blog I get all teary eyed again. I don't know why but I do, I cry every time. Plus I am worried about Sandy, I think that is part of what makes me cry when I look at the wedding pics.
About that pattern, it is a pattern I drew up last year and had stitched up the bodies and stuffed them and did nothing more to them apparently and then found that bag of bodies this year and don't know what I did with that pattern, not even sure which one it is! The bodies sat in that bag over a year so as bad as my memory is, well... need I say more?? I will try to find it and get it drawn up for you and will send an invoice when I do, don't want you to pay for something if I can't find it but will be happy to send it when I do. Just don't let me forget, I have a stack of patterns and crap going on with the show around the corner and I have no idea where to start looking right now but will do it as soon as I can.
Let me know how you and Terry are doing, I wish him a miracle for his recovery. Chat later hon, Blessings, Carmen..Hey isn't this our month and almost OUR BIG DAY!!??? Oh I almost forgot!! The Desert Witch and Diva of Darkness! WooHoo!!! October 31st!!!
Kimmy, I happened on tothis because i was trying to do a blog. Have been thinking of you so much, Its late and i need to go , but will be back, God Bless and keep the Faith,
Elaine from facebook
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