Turmoil Tuesday

 Ok, be honest, going to Social Security is NEVER a good experience, because Cody's guardianship hasn't gone through yet, he had to make the trip with us, my good friend Dan Lane gave me a ride there,
 Ok, so, we wait endlessly, So much so Cody takes a nap, we finally get called in, and I said I need to transfer my sons benefits, he just turned 18, he is getting $400 in disability from his dad's account and now he is entitled to his own benefits, because he is an "adult" and no longer qualifies for his dads disability anymore, well I was told because I sold a $1500 piece of property in 2009, he had to start the process all over again, and it would be 6 mos, at least before he received benefits, WTH??? $1500 in 2009??? I needed to prove these people gave me a promissary note & defaulted on it, which I did not think I had the documents to back me up, well Praise Jesus, because when I got home, I did have the documents, which means they can carry over his benefits, and Cody SHOULD get a check in Dec or Jan.
 I did not know this, and was crying that I would be on the street if they cut my income $400 starting Dec1. I also find out it will take months for me to get widows benefits, and Jenn get surviviors benefits, and the month Terry passes, they will take the check back, so I will have 1 mos with no income at all, I don't know what I am going to do if that's the case, it sounded like my lawyer MAY front me the money, if needed.
 When all is said & done, once the payments start coming in, I should be pulling in more than we are now, because Cody will be receiving adult benefits which is atleast $200 more, and I should be getting $500 more than Terry was, because he was paying student loans, and I am not responsible for that debt, because I did not know him then, please pray that this is the case, because the kids and I will be more than ok, even when Jenn looses her benefits next year when she turns 18.
 I have way too many health issues to work, and Cody is such a job, that I can't leave him in day care ,and I only qualify for 10 hrs respite care a week. Physically I could not handle work & my home responsibilities, it is way to much on my ailing body, so I may need to qualify for SSI, myself, If I get all that I should, I won't qualify because I will be making too much, but that is FINE with me, either way, I just want enough to pay my bills, put food on the table, fill the scripts & buy the needs, Please Jesus, help this to work out! AMEN!!!!
 The weather has been gorgeous, in the 40's at night & 60's during the day and I am so enjoying it, Fall has finally arrived! After 6 mos of desert heat, this is so welcoming! I am thankful to God for the beauty of the days & nights.
 Terry had a rough night, was unable to breath most of the night, they played with his meds some, and he is resting comfortably, now, it is scary, each week, you see him decline more & more, and in my head I know that means he is closer to death, in my heart I don't want to believe it! I am thankful for each day we have together, and pray for one more at days end.
 I bought all the scrap booking stuff for me & the kids to document his illness to his death, and made a nice book for people to sign & write memories at the funeral, and I am also writing my book about him, his life, his childhood memories etc, so his children & grandchildren will know him as I did.
 People say I sound Good and are doing good, is it all denial, an act, acceptance? I don't know, maybe a little of all 3, I just pray to get through minute by minute and that's all I can do!
 Time to give Cody a hair cut, I must say mothering is my favorite job of all and I am thankful to have Cody around longer than the average child, he is precious & a blessing and will fill a big void in my life, along with those 6 little demons, ...LOL, the puppies!, their newest pasttime is eating their own poop, and yes, it is fun to say the least and I am NOT liking it, I keep telling myself, they are almost a year and they will start calming soon!
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